My Failed Pet Adoption

I am making myself write about this for two reasons: because denial is my best friend and I tend to bottle up heart break, and because I hope that maybe someone can relate to what I experienced.

I have wanted a dog for a looong time. Over the last couple of years I have read about different breeds and their behaviors and I have spent time asking questions. This year I got my own place, and after being there for several months, all of they sudden I felt it was the right time to adopt a dogie.

Especially over the last few months I have really felt like I wanted a little animal to take care of and to keep me company. Most recently I started looking through Humane Society web pages...just to look.  Then, one day, I asked Mike (my fiance) if we could look at a specific shelter because they seemed to have a really good variety of animals listed and I liked that. We walked in knowing that we may very well walk out with a sweet pet to love. And if you have ever been to one of those shelters, you know that it is nearly impossible not to walk out of there with a new pet. And that is what happened to us. We walked around looking at all the little dogs, staring back at us begging to be taken home, but I tried to keep my composure and read through all their descriptions to see which one may fit us best. I knew I wanted a medium to small dog that was house trained and would be OK at my town home because I don't have a backyard. We walked around and wrote down a couple of names of the dogs that met that criteria. And then there was Connor (not his real name), a Beagle that seemed so sweet and cute. I had read a lot about Beagles because that was my "dream dog breed" from the very beginning. But because of what I had read, I was aware that Beagles needs a lot of exercise because they are hound dogs and they like to be outside.  So we skipped him over. As we were walking around again, we decided to write down his name just to find out about him. When we showed the lady at the desk the list, she got very excited about Connor and said that he was a very sweet dog and she had hoped she could take him home, but he had come into the shelter right after she had adopted another dog. I told her that I liked him but was concerned about his well-being because I lived in a town home. She and the dog caregiver told me that Connor would actually be OK in a town home because he had lived inside his whole life (he was an adult in dog years) and that he would probably be OK if I just walked him at least an hour a day. I told her I was willing to do that. We discussed some other concerns and it seemed like everything was OK and he was a good fit for us. We met him and fell in love with him instantly. So we signed the papers, paid the fees, learned more about him and took him home.

(photo taken by fastcrash)

This is where it gets hard. It gets hard because from then on, he was really a wonderful dog. He was house trained and listened and obeyed to a lot of simple commands. He didn't jump on furniture or chew on things, didn't bark inside, and he provided a lot of love and companionship to me. Connor did struggle with a lot of separation anxiety and did have a few accidents here and there when he couldn't see me (he had to see me at all times to be calm). But I had expected something like that and I dealt with thinking that it would get better with time; he had just gone through a traumatizing experience of loosing his family and had had a lot of change.  He howled and cried a lot the second night I had him, so the next night I got him a Thundershirt.  He seemed to love it and it really worked! He looked a lot more relaxed and only whimpered a little bit before he feel asleep. I highly recommend it.With that said, I knew and really hoped that his anxiety was temporary and it would get better with time. And I felt over all I could deal with that.

I was concerned about him not being able to relieve himself when I was at work, and since his anxiety was really bad, I was told and read that it would be best for him to be left in a crate because it is a comforting small space.  I was very lucky to have family and friends who offered to take him out of the crate to keep him company and give him a potty break when I was at work. And that is what they did. The days I was working, my family or Mike came to take him out, walk him a little bit and just keep him company. They usually stayed for a couple of hours.

So those breakes, plus the long walks before and after work (at least an hour in the morning and 30 to 45 min at night) were supposed to provide him a lot of exercise. Plus when I was home he was always by my side.

I also took him to pet stores and we spent several hundred dollars buying him toys, comfort stuff, a great bed, food, and hygiene things. 

So all the little things he struggled with I felt we could work on.  I was asking for a lot of guidance from friends and professional trainers, and I was reading info about it like crazy.

Then the other day, I had walked him for over an hour in the morning and we had had a really nice time. Then he attacked a little child. I won't give any details about it but I just want to say that it was out of no where, even though I had tried to take precautions because I didn't know how he would react around kids. He went from 0 to 100 in about 2 seconds and almost really hurt this child. Luckily I had been holding on to him really tightly and as a result the child was unharmed, other than being extremely scared and possibly scratched. I was mortified and completely heart broken in an instant. I walked the little kid home and talked to her mom and apologized profusely. And then I went home and cried. It wasn't a "look nervous, bark and bite" situation. It was far worse than that, an attack. It was a very serious situation. I didn't know what to do. I live in an area where there are many children playing outside all the time, and I have nieces and nephews that are too important to me to allow to be near a dog that may or may not attack them. I became extremely worried. What could have happened to this sweet dog in his past life that would have affected him like this?

It was a hard day for me. I tried to figure out what to do for many hours. Finally when I felt more composed I called a professional dog trainer that we had had some interactions with and relayed what happened to see if we could make an appointment so she could start helping us right away. Instead, she shocked me by telling me that I should take Connor back to the shelter. She told me that because of his age, and not really knowing what his situation was before I adopted him, and because of the nature of the attack, he was dangerous and I could spend a year or more trying to train him but it was likely that it would not ever work. She also told me to give myself "a brake" and understand that it was not my fault but that he had come to me that way.

That was easier said than done. I completely blamed myself and felt like a huge failure. Why couldn't I help a good dog with ONE major problem? My heart started breaking to pieces and I cried so much my eyes were almost swollen shut the next day.

Mike helped me call several other trainers to get other opinions and unfortunately all of them said the same thing. I sought the counsel of several friends who are dog lovers and have had many pets for years, and almost everyone said the same thing. I asked family who have owned dogs for years and would never do anything to harm an animal, and they said the same thing. I even asked a friend who is a K-9 trainer, and he said the same thing. We asked one more trainer, and realized that there was nothing we could do. Failure...

The next day, I got up, let him potty, fed him, played with him, took him on a long walk, packed up all his toys, food, treats, bed, put him in my vehicle with his two favorite toys, and headed back to the pound. It was a horrible feeling. I cried most of the way there. It was an hour drive. I tried to keep it together not to give him anxiety and he did sleep most of the time. Once in a while when he would wake up, I would reach back, pet him and he would lick my hand and arm. Heart breaking...

We finally got to the shelter, he was just excited to get out of the car, which made me feel even worse. I walked him to the front desk, to the same lady that had helped me get him in the first place, told her what had happened and we cried together. And then he was taken back to the kennel. I tried to ignore his whimpering because there was nothing I could do to comfort him anymore. I donated all his things to them because I wanted him to have his toys, and because I couldn't bare taking any of his belongings back with me even if we get another pup, because it would remind me of Connor.  Hurt...

I finally told the lady that he was wonderful and would be great in a home where children are not around. He was always loving to all the "big people" he met. Then I cried some more and walked away. The best way I can describe the feeling of walking away is by comparing it to walking into an air plane saying goodbye to a friend you love, knowing you will never see them again. And you don't know what is going to happen to them. And then on top of that, add the fact that you were their protector, provider, and care giver...you were their human. Devastated...

 Getting home and not seeing him, and seeing the open spaces where his crate and toys used to sit was really hard. All I can do is hope and pray that someone will be able to provide the life that he needs. And pray I have done a lot.

I wanted to share this because I feel that even though a lot of people have been very understanding some other people have treated me like a bad person who got sick of their dog and decided to get rid of him. I wonder how many other ones of you have had to experience something as terrible as this, after looking for every option to avoid it, and then have received the same type of response.  It has been a very difficult experience but I hope that if any of us have ever felt resentment towards someone because of their choice to take a pet to the shelter, that we will be more kind and supportive; the owner may have loved that pet more than anyone could understand, they may have had many sleepless nights comforting and taking care of that animal, they may have given up a lot of things to take care of that animal, and they may have wanted more than anything to keep them...but that choice may have been the only one they had.

New Blog! (Kind Of)

It has been a loooong time since my last blog post. I have missed you little blog! But today I figured out a way to design new blog banners therefore here is a post just to celebrate that.
It makes me HAPPY.

I used PicMonkey which is an online photo editing program. It's free!!! FrEe!! frEE!! FRee!! Yes, it's free. I always like that word. You can do basic things with it, and if you want to do fancier stuff you have to pay. But I didn't. I found the instructions on how to make a blog banner here. I also found this wonderful Etsy shop where you can buy digital scrapbook papers and icons, etc which all match. I felt that $3 for 13 different papers and 10 different little icons I will be able to use many times was fair. Then I found out the lady who makes these is a single mom so now I feel even better about it. It took about one minute to download the package after I purchased it, which was great since I lack the virtue to patience.

 

Here is to new looks!!!

Now I think I am going to drink some hot chocolate to celebrate.

What If a Mass Casualty/Disaster Takes Place Near You or Near a Loved One

The terrible bombings at the Boston Marathon have made me wonder if some of the things I know from working as a social worker at an emergency room may help others who have not ever experienced or thought of what to do it in a similar situation. I decided to write some ideas that hopefully will help families if something of this nature happens in your area or near one of your loved ones. 


If something like this happens, nothing will matter more than finding your loved ones. This is the main topic I will address.

This information will be divided in two parts: 1. What you can do to help your family prepare for a situation where safety is compromised and 2. What to do if you or your loved-one has been involved such a situation.

1. How Can I Prepare-there isn't much we can do to prepare for something this unexpected but there ARE things that we can and should do that will help in any type of disaster.
   
   a. Have face shots of every single member of your family. A family picture, your children’s school photo, it does not matter. One of the biggest problems during a chaotic situation is that no one can find each other. Have a copy of each picture in a water proof Ziploc bag at your house, one in your glove compartment in your car, and save those pictures on your cell phone. This will make a huge difference to emergency personnel or people who may have seen your family member, especially if that person is not able to speak because of trauma or injury.
   
   

b. Add lists of medical problems and medications to both those baggies and your phone. It is especially helpful in your phone because if someone such as me (a social worker) uses a cell to contact you, then you can just texts those to me.
   
   c. Do not have an automatic lock on your cell phone. I know it is annoying when your silly little brother decides to pick up your phone and hacks your facebook account, but a locked phone means no way for anyone to contact you or your loved. Just don’t lock it and apologize to your friends for your little brother’s silly comments on facebook. I have met with patients who have been so confused after an accident that even though they wanted me to use their phone, they themselves did not remember their own passwords. 


   
   d. If you or your children have any type of important medical history that is needed for  appropriate medical care, save a little bit and buy them one of these. I do not get any financial gain by mentioning this company on my blog, there are many other companies with all kinds of products and prices to choose from, but this is just one of them. In my opinion, anybody who does a lot of activities alone  (running, biking, driving long distances)  or someone who can't carry their ID in their pocket needs one of those anyway. The hardest people to identify are always those who had no place to put their ID on them. But that is another topic.
   
   

e. Anybody who has a cell phone (even grandparents who only use it to call one person or young children who only use it to call their mom or dad) should have 2 to 3 people saved under the name “ICE.” Mine are under “ICE 1” “ICE 2” and “ICE 3”. ICE means In Case of Emergency, that is the first place someone like me will look to find emergency contacts. It has been my experience that some phones actually have that label already in them, but I have never found someone who actually used it and put the information in. Make sure that your emergency contacts include at least someone who does not live with you and also someone who lives out of State. Those numbers won’t help if you were all in the same home and you were all injured.
   
   

f. Every SINGLE TIME you go to the doctor and they ask you if you want to have an emergency contact listed, take the time and do it. You may not need it today because you went to the doctor for your hurt finger, but cannot predict when that will be needed.

 You may be able to tell hospital personnel your name, but you may not have the strength to remember you family's number.
   
   g. Teach your children how to stay calm if something like this happens. Teach them to follow authority’s instructions. Yes, “stranger danger” is important, but in case something like this happens and either you are injured or you are not around or even get separated, they need to know who to follow and get instructions from. Their teacher, find a police officer, a fireman, a member of the military, etc. But in all reality I think children should know what to do in any emergency. Because I grew up in a place with a lot of earthquakes and a lot of turmoil, and because my family and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (mormons) and they teach us to be prepared, we always had a plan for every situation. We practiced those plans during our family nights. Here are some links to the ways my church encourages us to prepare for many things: 

   
   Family Emergency Supplies
   Earthquake Preparation
   Making a Survival Kit
   Emergency Preparedness
   
   
   
   2. What Can I Do if It Happens-In the terrible event that someone you love is involved in such a disaster, here is some information.
   
   a. Do not call that person. This will tie up phone lines which are needed for emergency medical responders, police, etc. What you need to do is text. Don’t ask that person to tell you everything. Ask them to text you a one word answer, such as “Are you OK? Just say yes or no, if you are contact us when you can.” This will allow them to focus on being safe (we do not know if they are still in danger or need their cell phone to be quiet) and they can focus on either getting the help they need (answering questions from doctors) or helping other people if they can.


   
   b. Again, do not call that person. At the Boston Marathon all phone signals were taken down because the bombs may have been detonated by cell phone signal. If you keep trying to call that person and they can’t answer because of this but they are OK, you will cause yourself a lot of unneeded suffering.
   
   

c. Ask all of your friends and family to NOT try to contact that person. The last thing they need is 50 texts all at the same time and making it harder for them to answer you. 


   
   d. Use social media (such as Facebook) to contact that person and also to ask everyone to not contact them directly.


   
   e. If you are near the site and you plan on going to the hospital where they could be at, make sure you bring their identifying pictures (as previously discussed).
   
   

f. Designate one person to do all the updates for everyone else. You will speak with them and in turn they will speak with everyone else who needs updates.
   
   

g. If you go the hospital, immediately text and post on social media sites a message asking everyone else NOT TO COME to the hospital. Or immediately have your contact person do that for you. Have your friends and family gather at someone’s home so they can all get updates from the contact person you designate to communicate with you. One or two of you can be there. No one else should be there. The more people that come to the hospital, the more likely you won’t get the attention you need to find out about your loved one. It has been interesting to see how family members who are under such stress don't talk to each other. A brother will get an update about a sister, and they forget to tell their parents who were near them and didn't hear it. It causes a lot of conflict between family and they usually get mad a staff for not telling everyone. That is not our responsibility. Also the more likely it is that the masses will have emotional outbursts and no one will receive any updates because we (hospital staff) will be busy trying to manage that. Also, if too many people are disruptive to medical personnel who are helping your loved one and most likely saving lives, then security will kick everyone out and the hospital will go on lock down. Yes, they can do that.
   
   

If you don’t believe some of the things I have mentioned, read this.
   
   

h. Once you find your loved one, remember to remain calm. Whether they are perfectly fine or injured, they have just been through possibly the most traumatic experience of their lives. Do not force anybody to try to talk about it unless they want to. That means don’t ask a lot of questions but allow someone to talk to you and just listen. Traumatic experiences record differently in the brain; they are not like an emotional experience, they are more than that. Their brain literally has created a physical reaction to memories of sounds, smells, and sights. As a result, the more that someone talks about it, the more the brain re-traumatizes itself because those feelings are felt again, and in turn those memories return. It is like a never ending cycle. The more that is repeated, the more that the experience begins to be a little different than it was originally. It is not because the person is now lying, it is because the traumatic experience is re-recording itself over and over.
   
   

The best thing you can do is be available to that person when they are ready. While they are not ready, help them be aware of the “here and now.” For example, help them describe the temperature they feel, the sounds they hear, the brightness of the lights in the room, etc. This helps people come out of that state of trauma for a while and it helps with the healing process.

These are some thoughts that I felt might help someone. I hope none of us ever have to be part of such a terrible thing, but it is something everyone should be prepared for.

A New Year

After a long hiatus from blogging I have decided to start writing again. Sometimes when personal things are going on I chose not to blog because writing allows me to express things that are not easily said, and honestly sometimes those things should not be said because they are too personal. Therefore the best way to close that door is to not write at all. But I feel that I'm in a good place once more and I am ready to go.

I have a lot of hope for 2012! Even writing it down looks good, don't you thing? 2-0-1-2
Ironically, this has already been a very difficult year and I have learned a lot of things that hopefully will help me be a better person. Here are some of the lessons I have learned:

1. I feel more compassion than I have ever felt for the "survivors" of traumatic experiences. Meaning the wife who saw her husband having a heart attack, the little boy who saw his sibling fall and pass out, the person walking by who saw a car accident and was the first to call for help, etc. I never knew how those experiences affect the people who may not have been the victim until I became someone who was not a victim but experienced the trauma in my own way. I had a lot of symptoms I recognized from post traumatic stress and it gave me a glimpse into a lot of people's lives.

2. Truly forgiving those who break your heart is possible. It takes time and a lot of prayer and soul searching but it is possible. I think I finally understood that to forgive something who has hurt you so badly you have to come to terms with the fact that it was the person's choice and you could not have done anything to change it. I think forgiveness is a lot more difficult to achieve if you believe that you have control over another person's actions and you can change them. You don't and you have to accept it.

3. When people make mistakes I will definitely think twice about how I react to it. As humans we all make mistakes and it is hurtful when those things are made into big issues because of anger and because people feel better when tell everyone about it. That is how rumors start and how stories keep growing every time they are told.  It hurts when people lie about you so we should all do our best to protect each other from such things and stop rumors before they start.

4.  It feels good to give even when people don't appreciate the gift. And if for some reason they do appreciate it, it feels good times two.

5. If you find the right person to spend the rest of your life with, getting old doesn't look so bad.

Here's to an amazing 2012!!!!

Lemonade Stands

I am several dollars poorer thanks to all the cute children in my neighborhood who have had lemonade stands this summer. When will parents teach them about eBay? 

Well anyway, it is fun to see how each child's face fills up with excitement (some times their uncontrollable jumping up and down reflects their excitement also) when you stop to give them a few cents for a cold, sometimes not-so-cold and somewhat diluted...ahem...lemon drink. 

Who doesn't remember having a lemonade stand as a kid? It seems like every childhood was in need of the citrus drink to get a few dollars for something special. 

I will always stop when I see a lemonade stand because it represents the right children have to dream.

Lessons From The ER

OK, so most people know that I work at an emergency room (actually two emergency rooms but one of them not as often as the other one). I haven't written anything in my blog for a while and I thought I would write something which may be interesting or at least educational for those who are not so familiar with some of the common things I see at the ER. I will get right to it. These are all things based on my personal experiences:

1. No matter what age you are, make sure you have something in your wallet or someone in your cell phone listed as an emergency contact. You will regret not having done this simple thing if you are unable to speak. It happens quite often. You will also regret not encouraging your loves ones to do this if something terrible happens and you weren't by their side because we didn't know how to get a hold of you. And by the time we get a hold of you, it may be too late.

2. If you are saving up so you can part-ay and travel during your retirement, it probably won't be enough or realistic. I don't know if you are aware that Assisted Livings or Nursing Homes are NOT covered by insurance other than after medical procedures (aka knee replacement etc) only for a few days. So if you or your loved one can't get around your two story house or one of you wonders out in the street dangerously because of dementia, you are all on your own. Assisted Livings average $130 per day. Nursing Homes are anywhere from $120 to $500 per day.You need to plan for that too.

3. Getting medical care should be a priority. Your cell phone and your hair highlights are a privilege. It's sad we have been taught we are entitled or the world "owes us." Unfortunately, even though you can be seen at an ER without making a payment upfront, if you need follow up with a specialist you will not be seen unless you pay a rather large down-payment (meaning a few hundreds). And yes, they CAN turn you away. My suggestion? If need be, get rid of the cell phone and the highlights and save the money you need because my impression is that if you are referred to a specialist it is likely you will not get better without their treatment and without it you will probably get worse.

4. If you ever want to work in an ER you have to be a self-starter and a team player. It's amazing what I have seen accomplished by the great people I work with. 

5. Just because it's an ER it doesn't mean = fast. When you are having several different tests being done, they take time to get results. Be ready to be there for a little bit.

6. Calling an ER with medical questions does you no good. It's impossible to give medical advise over the phone without seeing someone, you could make a fatal mistake. Plus the people who answer the phones are not nurses of doctors. You should just google it or if not, come to be seen by a doctor.

7. Do not let your kids walk around barefoot in the ER!!! I probably shouldn't go into detail for this one but trust me, avoid it at all costs.

8. Please consider organ donation seriously. It is my personal belief that once I am dead, my body doesn't do me any good. So I hope I can help others live or see or walk or hold they children in their arms. If you want to choose to donate, please let your loves ones know. Just because you are registered through the State doesn't mean that your family will choose that for you if they weren't aware. It is very difficult for a loved one to make that kind of a decision when they are in so much pain.

9. Cherish the time you have with your loves ones. Even if they are really young, or the safest drivers you know, or the healthiest people ever, etc; I have seen people pass away for no reason pretty much. Meaning, natural causes which were completely unexpected. It is those times that I am reminded of the people who are important in my life and how most things don't matter. But love does.

Well, I don't think I have much more to say. There are always new things that I am learning but these are the ones that stick out in my mind because it would have been nice to know them a long time ago.

 

This Is All I Need To Say

That is all I needed to say.

Some Songs Should Be Retired

My last post mentioned two shows, one that I like and one that dislike. Today I have decided that I am going to write something regarding a show that has both of those characteristics:

AND...THIS...IS American Idol! 

(could you just picture little Ryan Seacrest saying that just now?)

I am definitely a hater when A.I. begins their season. I think it is mean to make fun of people who think they can sing but they totally can't. I happen to know a few...

I am a lover when A.I. gets to the top 10 (or 12 or 13 or what ever number they choose to "surprisingly" change it to in an attempt of making the season more exciting). It is so fun to watch really talented people do their own versions or popular songs.

There are have been a few times that I believed songs were so good they should have been retired. Here are my top 5:

5. MacPhee singing somewhere over the rainbow

2. Cute dreads guy (Jason Castro) singing Halleluya. I love that it is not perfect but it is so heartfelt

3. Adam Lambert singing Mad World

2. David Archuleta singing Imagine (very touching, I actually shed a tear)

1. David Cook singing Hello (the song start on second 20, the volume is a little soft for this one, you totally need to turn it up to get the full effect). I heart David Cook

These songs should so be retired. Every time another contestant sings one of these songs, you already know they are just not going to be as good! Therefore, they choose to have a disadvantage in front of millions of fans who cannot forget the best version they ever heard!
I'm writing them a letter.

Something To Look Forward To

Now that the Bachelor is over and there is nothing to look forward to on Monday nights, something has been weighing heavy in my heart.  Is there anything that can fill in that emptiness? I mean, crazy Utah chicks wishing death-by-monkeys on other girls is hard to replace.

Well, tonight I found my answer:

RALPH MACCHIO

 

SIGH...I now have a new reason to look forward to Monday nights. My Karate Kid is going to kick some booty on Dancing With the Stars. I actually don't like the show but I will definitely be watching Mr. KK as he karate-chops his way to the top. 

Isn't he dreamy? 

And no, I do not care that he is like 49 years old because he still looks like the teenager who learned how to "wax-on, wax-off" from Mr. Miyagi. 

I'd date him. 

Sorry Will Smith Jr., you just won't ever do.

 

Thank You Dr. Seuss

 Today I watched a show where they discussed how some schools will celebrate Dr. Seuss' birthday. Other than eating green eggs and ham (which I have personally done), they are going to read his books and then each child gets to write a book about themselves. Now, my question is, why don't we as adults do that once a year? I remember as a little girl having to write about myself and making collages of the things I did well or I enjoyed. Would we not be happier if a couple of times a year we wrote books (pictures included) about the things we do well, who we really are or want to grow up to be? I think March 2nd I will be making a book about myself to remember what is special about me. I think we should all do that.

Blue hair is hot

Morning or Night

Sometimes I struggle going to sleep. Not because I am not tired or because I have a lot of energy. The struggle tends to happen when I am really tired actually. I think sometimes I can not sleep because I am excited or nervous about plans that I have been thinking about and for some reason it feels as if I continue to think about it for "just a little bit longer" then I will continue to be excited about it a little bit longer? You are absolutely right, it makes no sense.

This brings me to a very important topic that I have been thinking about (which may or may not have kept me up a few nights). If you are tired at nights and completely crash by midnight AND you struggle every single morning waking up, even when the previous night you retired to sleep very early, are you a "night person" or a "morning person" or neither?

For a long time I have wondered what I am. Since my body feels like I was struck by a moving vehicle when ever I attempt to wake up before the sun has risen, I have decided I am not a morning person. Easy decision.

The problem is, at night when I find myself hoping my date will drop me off not too late so I can go to sleep because I am tired, I think that I am probably not a night person either!

Did this picture not just make you yawn? How does that always happen?

My conclusion is: I am completely lost. Is there not any other time of the day to choose from? I think my best time of day is around 10:00 am. So would that make me a "mid-morning person?" I could live with that.

Three-Ohhh

Fantastically Fantastic!

Yep, I just said that (or I guess wrote it). That is the best way to describe these 30 years of my life. Sigh...the word “thirty”…I say that with some difficulty. Honestly, I am completely fine with being in my 30’s. The ONLY negative is that it is harder to find cute, active, fun guys who have similarities in their lives with mine. I only know a few guys that fit this profile and I do spend time with them. The only problem with it is that once you know they are not right for you, you can still have fun with them but you have to keep meeting other men that fit that profile to date and that is hard. Like I previously stated: the only negative thing is the guy situation.

With all that said, I have loved my life up to now. It has been so full of happiness and love and adventures and learning and so many other things! Sometimes I think I am going to die any minute (which I would be fine with p.s.-I leave everything to my parents), because I pretty much have done all the things I wanted to in my life. Even all the things mentioned in my Patriarchal Blessing have come to pass. So in all reality it could happen at any minute.

Well, I did not mean to start talking about death. My point is that I feel my life has been rich and fulfilling.

Something that I have always been blessed with is good friends. Even though my family moved around A LOT throughout my life, there were always people who were willing to take me in and accept me as a friend. Gracias amigos Chilenos y Argentinos por su amistad. I think a life without friends is not worth living. I hope that I can be that type of a friend myself.

Another part of my life that has been richly blessed is by having a wonderful family. My parents are good, honest people who are supportive (and for all those who know them, they are very funny). When I was growing up, we were the kind of family that would have dinner together and laugh and laugh and laugh. We would play Monopoly until so late that we would have to leave the board out to finish the game on another night. They allowed me to have a big imagination, and I did have a big imagination. My sibs are pretty awesome too. We used to play together, we used to sing together. They are still great and they are so supportive of everything I do. Even from afar, my family has always been very close. Just as an example, even though I did not live with my parents for about 12 years, when they finally moved here it was like we were never apart. I am grateful for that.

One thing I cannot leave unmentioned is the fact that I have always been so blessed in everything! I am someone who believes there is a God and that God is our Father. The little miracles I have seen in my life have proven it over and over and over again. If I could share some...people’s jaws would drop. Literally. Even how my family and I ended up living here, it is all a miracle. I am so grateful for my many blessings every day. There was a really difficult time in my life when it was hard to even get up in the morning and have any strength to do anything. What got me through those difficult times was counting my blessing. I would think about all my blessings as I drove to work (5 to 10 min) every morning. I was not allowed to repeat any in one day. I never had to. The most unreal part about all my blessings is that I am not even that good of a Daughter! Really! Yet still, I am blessed and I am so grateful and will try to be better.

Anyway, just a few simple thoughts about my wonderful life.

Happy birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Sunny Days...

I know some may disagree with me... but the best part of the year is SUMMER. Oh how I miss the early mornings when you actually want to get out of bed because the sun is out and it is starting to get warm.  Plus all the fantastic things you can do during the summer! I like to ride my bike to the library. I like walking on grass without shoes on. I like washing my hair and letting it dry out. I like having a chocolate covered cone that drips down my fingers (dripping soft-serve ice cream is the best!!!), unfortunately that's how I gain 10 lb each summer. But that's a different story.
Oh SUMMER, I love thee like I will never love anyone (or thing) else. Please come back soon!

Christmases Past

For some reason, Christmas season reminds me of this person. We will call him Mr. W.  :)

Mr. W and I popping out of a present

Mr. W. was probably the happiest and one of the best guys I ever dated. He honestly loved everyone, just because they existed. He took the time to show people that he cared. He was also fun, thoughtful, smart, driven, service prone, a true leader (taught me more about leadership than anyone else), but also was honest and lived in the real world (that's the only way I can describe it).

The year we dated, I had decided I wanted to spend Christmas day alone, mostly because I enjoyed the peace and quiet to think about the Savior and because I hated being the extra person at the table when a family got together; so we celebrated on Christmas Eve.

That day, man did it snow! We got a ton of inches just in a few hours. The roads were terrible, but he came to see me, we exchanged presents ( I still have my Hello Kitty pajamas, amongst other things) and then we headed to his house.  It was scary! Not only were the roads not plowed, but they were icy.
When it was getting late, he drove me home in his mom's vehicle which had way better control on the slick roads. Of course we had to stop by a church parking lot and attempt a couple of doughnuts which didn't work that well because the vehicle was too smart.

Then we drove by a church, and noticed that it was packed. It was midnight mass! So we, in the split of a second, decided to go and check it out. It was a really cool experience. Entire families listened to the person who gave the sermon about the Savior. The church was packed.

For some reason, during Christmas I always think about Mr. W. Not because I wish we were still dating (I must say he is happily married to a wonderful girl), but because I feel that he kind of carried the Christmas spirit with him every day of the year. I hope all my future Christmases are that spontaneous and wonderful with people that I care about and people that care about me.

Everyday Gratitude

I am so grateful for so many things.

I am so grateful that I have a home to live in, let alone a bed (and a comfortable one) to sleep in. I am grateful I have blankets to put over my body in the cold of night. I am grateful that I have a place to be during the cold days. I am grateful that I get to choose what I eat each day. I am grateful that I don't have to fall asleep to the sound of gun fire outside my house. I am grateful that I don't have to wait for the bus in the middle of a snow storm. I am grateful that I can see the sunset each day.

Sunset in Hawaii

I am grateful that I can dance around because I can move. I am grateful that I can sing because I can hear and speak. I am grateful for all the unnecessarily things that I have, including this computer and access to the Internet. I am grateful that each day I am reminded of how blessed I am by simply seeing the world around me; I am grateful to have the responsibility to try to help those less fortunate than I.

I am just grateful.

The small things

Ageless Love?

I have to admit, lately I have spent way too much time reading The Pioneer Woman's blog about her life. I envy it...and now that I have admitted to that, I would like to officially repent for having such feelings.

One of the things I love most about this woman is her and her husband's story: how they met and fell in love. I think the reason I love it so much is because I remember the feelings that she describes while falling in love. She was around the same age I was when I truly fell in love. The sad thing is that comparing our stories has made me wonder, do people still fall in love the same way as they get older?  I look at what my dates and relationships have been like since the dreaded breakup with the one that I felt such feelings for and nothing has ever compared. Yet, here I am reading about someone who felt the same way I did. As a result, I have come to the conclusion that when I felt that way it wasn't all in my head.

Still, nothing even close to those feelings has ever come since. Finally, I convinced myself that I'll never feel that same way again and something lesser will have to do; but then I wonder, could it happen again? Or was it just the excitement that accompanies that stage of our lives?

It is very difficult to date guys when you can never forget the way you felt with (and about) that person you truly loved.

Hopefully, someday I'll be proven wrong.

To Feel The Christmas Spirit

I promise you that if you really want to start feeling the Christmas spirit, you have to see this. If you are a Christian, you have to see this. If you are an art lover, you have to see this. If you feel that there is something higher and bigger out there, you have to see this.  No, you don't have to be Mormon, you don't have to go with someone, you don't have to be or do anything, other than go and feel what it feels like to see this.

You may not know who Carl Bloch is, but as soon as you walk into this gallery, you will instantly recognize the incredible paintings of the Christ's life that have been used all over the world for literally over a hundred years.

My wonderful parents got us tickets (which are free, click here) so see this. I thought I knew what I was going to but I was wrong. It was so much more than I could have imagined. The original paintings in their true sizes left me speechless, literally. The portrayals of the Savior felt so real. The art gallery felt like a sacred place.

As I walked and looked at this breathtaking paintings, I thought to myself "I should read Carl Bloch's biography to learn more about his testimony of Christ." And then I realized that I was looking at his testimony and I knew exactly what it said.

I am so grateful that I was able to see this exposition. Trust me, you need to see it too.

“And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” (Luke 2:7.)

“Jesus … said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water … shall be in him a well … springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:13–14.)

Pre-Thanksgiving: Pet Peeves

This is a necessary pre-Thanksgiving post. I am very grateful for millions of things, so I would like to get these few things that I am not grateful for out of the way.

Pet Peeves:

I hate it when people clip their fingernails at church. Who are you and did you grow up in a cave? Seriously.

I hate it when people have a hard time making decisions. Just choose something and do it! I think people waste more time trying to decide what they want than enjoying their choice.

I really dislike all the fake "lets make you cry" stories that people read around the holidays. First of all, they are usually cheesy, second of all there are enough true stories which are inspiring that you don't have to make some up. And I don't really care that the little boy bought his moma some shoes.

Well, that's pretty much it! So you if you don't want to be on my bad side, don't do these things.

I feel so much better now!!!!!

To The Survivors

Most of the time I try to keep my blog posts light and happy...but in all reality, I think about social issues a lot. Unfortunately, most of those aren't usually what you would consider "light and happy" at all.

Since it is my blog, and I can write what ever I want to, that is exactly what I am going to do right now. And just a warning, this is not a topic for young children.

Over the last two Fridays I have been able to watch two very disturbing, but very important, episodes of Oprah regarding men who were sexually abused as children. The whole audience was made of 200 grown men of all ages (probably mid 20's to 80's) who were survivors.  1 in 6 boys is sexually abused in America.

The pain that these men showed during the show was incredible. As some of the men told of how their childhoods were destroyed by adults, other men in the room wept, because each of them had a different yet similar story.

During the shows they showed a few statistics: 81% of those men had at some point in their lives contemplated suicide. 81% of 200 men, that means 160 of those men who could have represented anybody you know. A staggering 33% percentage of those had attempted it. The pain that one must feel to think about ending their own lives cannot be described in words. I won't attempt to write like I  know what it may feel like, because I don't, but I know that it is great. Most of these men were married, had children, perhaps grandchildren, and had careers etc...in a few words they didn't stop living their lives. Yet, this pain has always been present and has affected everything they are.

In between their testimonials, they showed a clip of a perpetrator speaking about what he thought he had caused to his victim. This perpetrator said, "I killed who she could have been." That is exactly what abuse does, it destroys people. It limits people's ability to allow themselves to be.

I don't really know why I felt compelled to write about this, but I guess I just want to raise my voice for those who feel that they cannot.

Being abused, especially when you are a man, is something that cannot be spoken about. It is a taboo topic. It takes your manhood away (as described by the victims). There are so many myths about what kind of people victims were when they were being abused or the people they will become. The myths make it so that men are even more afraid than women to report it or tell anybody.

First of all, anybody that has been a victim should not be ashamed. No matter what the details, a victim is a victim (period). Second, victims don't become abusers themselves. In my work I have spoken with many men and women who were victims of abuse as children. Most of them have grown up to be good people who hate abuse so much they cannot even think about causing hurt to anyone else. A true statement that Oprah made is that it is very possible that our jails are full of men who were abused as children, not because they have learned to hurt others, but because when you carry such hurt and feelings of betrayal, if you do not allow yourself to face them and work through them, they will be manifested as anger and dangerous behaviors.

My thoughts about this are: any kind of abuse needs to stop. I get tired when at work I see women and children who are abused. I get tired of mother's choosing their partners who are abusing their children, over their children. I get tired of men being abused by men. People's lives are being destroyed this very moment.

I can't do much other than do my job and make sure that people around me are safe, but it has to be a collaborative effort. We hear of things like this taking place in other far away places such as African countries ravaged by civil wars. Yet this stuff is happening to the kids that your children go to school with, to kids next door, and to your own children, and you may not even know it.

It is time to stop ignoring the facts. It is time to pay more attention to a serious crime that happens even to the "best families," even in the homes of religious people, even to the straight A student who always has a smile on his face.

How grateful I am that those 200 men had the courage to SURVIVE.

And The Countdown Begins

Happy birthday to me...in 3 months!

I decided to give myself a few cool presents for my next birthday. Why? Because I'm turning 30. Yeah, I know I should not worry about it, I will live, it is just the beginning of my life, blah blah blah. No matter how you put it, it is a little depressing because your 20's are considered some of the best times of your life. When you were a kid, didn't you want to be in your 20's? I remember I always had crushes on college guys because I thought they were so cool.

Either way, because I was afraid that it is going to be more of an un-happy day than a happy day, I have started giving myself presents to prevent any depression that may accompany the event.

Present #1
A fabulous bed!!!!!! It is twice as big as my old one and 50 times more comfortable!! I hate to say it but if anyone ever wants to marry me they will have to take the both us or neither...

Present #2
I wanted to remember what I was like in my 20's, so I decided to have professional pics taken. It was a little scary; most of the time I am messing around and my pics show me camping, etc. But I found a fantastic photographer who made me feel at home and I literally had some of the best time of my life!

Here's a sample

If you would like to see a few more go to Stephanie's blog.

The problem now? Since I already gave myself 2 amazing gifts before the dreaded event, I now have to find something to do on the actual day of my birthday.

When I turned 28, I decided to celebrate by doing 28 acts of service. It was pretty fun! So now I need ideas of what to do, times 30. If anybody reads this, please leave any thoughts you may have (you know who you are!).

Here are a few of mine:
-Buy 30 items of clothing
-Taste 30 different flavors of ice cream
-Read 30 pages of a book I would never read other wise (not so sure about this one)
-Watch 30 episodes of my favorite shows (but that would take a lot of time)
-Do a different activity every 30 minutes
-Get a 30 minute massage
-Kiss 30 guys (hope my parents aren't reading this one). Just kidding mom and dad!!!!
-Write 30 attributes that I would like to have
-Disappear for 30 hours (likey likey)

OK, that's about all I can think of. Any suggestions?