Ageless Love?

I have to admit, lately I have spent way too much time reading The Pioneer Woman's blog about her life. I envy it...and now that I have admitted to that, I would like to officially repent for having such feelings.

One of the things I love most about this woman is her and her husband's story: how they met and fell in love. I think the reason I love it so much is because I remember the feelings that she describes while falling in love. She was around the same age I was when I truly fell in love. The sad thing is that comparing our stories has made me wonder, do people still fall in love the same way as they get older?  I look at what my dates and relationships have been like since the dreaded breakup with the one that I felt such feelings for and nothing has ever compared. Yet, here I am reading about someone who felt the same way I did. As a result, I have come to the conclusion that when I felt that way it wasn't all in my head.

Still, nothing even close to those feelings has ever come since. Finally, I convinced myself that I'll never feel that same way again and something lesser will have to do; but then I wonder, could it happen again? Or was it just the excitement that accompanies that stage of our lives?

It is very difficult to date guys when you can never forget the way you felt with (and about) that person you truly loved.

Hopefully, someday I'll be proven wrong.

Time To Retire

Boys and girls, I have decided to retire my "dating jersey." I feel that dating is no longer fun. I used to love the nerves and excitement of getting prettied up before a date. Now it is just a chore. So since it is not longer something I enjoy, I have decided to stop doing it all together. Of course, I wouldn't want to go into retirement before leaving the world a better place! And since "those who can't do...teach," here is my wisdom from the last 12 years.

Top 10 Things I Have Learned About Dating

Waiver: These thoughts are all based on my own experiences and by continuing to read you are acknowledging that I will not be held responsible for any injuries or damage to property which these thoughts may cause (girls can be crazy!).

Advice for Girls 

1. Don't date a duffus. It is easy to fall in love with anyone, especially when they love you back.
2. If a guy likes you, he will get your number. If he likes you and he does not make the effort to get your number, is he the kind of guy you want to date anyway? Someone without initiative whom you will have to always tell what to do? Really though, if he likes you HE WILL get your number somehow.
3. When a guy gets your number, if he really likes you he will call you within 4 days. If he thinks you are cute and wants to get to know you, he'll call within 2 weeks. If he doesn't call within 2 weeks, get over it, he has found someone else.
4. Guys like to be babied and cared for but they don't like to be told what to do. Most of the time, they would rather fail at something than accomplish it when given advise which was not wanted. Let them do what they want and then be there when they need you after it.
5. If you kiss a guy who you are not dating, don't expect anything to ever come out of it so move on. To guys, kissing is the same as going on a date with someone you don't like is to us: it's a free event, and it can be fun, but that is about as much of that person as you'll ever want to see.

 (BONUS) Get over the fact that guys are not as emotional as girls. If your relationship is over, it is very likely he will have you replaced within a couple of weeks; a couple of months if it was a serious relationship.

Advice for Guys

1. Don't worry, if a girl really likes you, she will show you. Girls have this thing were they loose all rational thinking and all self-control if they like someone. If a girl is always showing up at places where you are, sends you random texts, is always extra smiley around you, offers you stuff (would you like a piece of gum? can I get you more Root beer?), gives you compliments (I loved your comment in church today!), then she likes you.
2. If a girl doesn't do the above mentioned (see #1), but is still flirting with you, she may think you are cute but you are not dating material, she just wants your attention and she wants other guys to see that you are giving her that attention.
3. Most girls don't consider hanging out a date. If you keep inviting her to hang out, she will get really frustrated (and sometimes angry) with you.   Then she'll start rejecting hanging out with you, but be aware, she has not rejected DATING you, she just wants you to put more effort into it. Ask her on a date, girls get all giddy when someone actually says "I would like to take you out on a date." Trust me on that one.
4. Do not ask for a girl's number and then give it to your buddy without her permission. I repeat DO NOT! She probably just spent all night trying to avoid him so that he wouldn't ask her for it and now you just ruined all her efforts. Not a manly thing to do.
5. I know plenty of guys who have married girls who at first wanted nothing to do with them. Even though they stuck around until the girl saw their charm, they weren't pushy. Pushy usually means "good bye." If she rejected you once, try to become her friend and try again later. But don't try to become her best friend, be around but not every moment of every day. Be a friend when you see her at a group gathering but don't stock her. Stocking as equals "good bye."

Well peeps, there you have it. Things I have learned over my dating career not just from personal experience but also from watching the dating world around me. I figured that since I started dating seriously when I was 17 years old, I have gone on dates with hundreds of guys and have been on over 1,000 dates (at least). Thanks to all those who put effort into sharing an experience with me.

 
Happy trails to you!

An Article About Choice Effect and Marriage

Honestly, I don't really like to write about maawege (at least not often) because there are a ton of other things in my mind that I would like to talk about, but my friend posted an article on facebook regarding this exact topic last night and people seemed to agree with it. When I read it, I was like "I wrote something about that like 2 years ago!!!!" So maybe my thoughts would have become famous like that article if I would have shared it with anyone.

So here it is. Just like a wrote it 2 years ago. What do you think?

I was speaking with one of my friends who is from South America. Our conversation went something like this:

"So, are you married yet?" I replied "No, I haven't found the right person yet," fully knowing that I have found several "right persons" but they just haven't chosen me. She said "I'm engaged," to which I said, like I always do "Congratulations! I am so excited for you." She then said without even realizing the sting of her question, "I just don't understand how you haven't been able to find someone, I mean, it is so much harder for me, at least you are surrounded by LDS guys who are available." Feeling a little defeated and not knowing what to say all I replied was "It's not as easy as it seems."

I'm sure many of us have had similar experiences where someone who lives outside of Utah just cannot believe how in this "easy to find an LDS guy world" we still haven't found one. I personally think that because we live in Utah, finding a guy to marry becomes more difficult. Here is the reason why: I think it is a lot harder for a guy to focus on choosing one person and sticking with them to build a relationship when around the corner there is another beautiful, nice, big haired LDS girl who is ready (and very willing) to present herself as a good option for marriage. As a matter of fact, a guy friend of mine confessed to me that he had a hard time dating anybody and this is how he explained his reasons why: "It's like when you go to a fancy restaurant. You take forever to choose what you want, and then they bring you your meal and it looks really great. But then you look at the table next to you and someone is eating something that looks even better and then you regret having made that decision."

Not that we should be considered food, but I totally get the point. Why settle when there's so much more to choose from? I think that is why it is so hard for a lot of guys to settle down. Am I right or am I wrong?

My Ex's

This is just going to be a few short thoughts.

Tonight I decided to find the rest of my ex's on facebook (most of them I am already friends with), to see how their lives have turned out. There was one specifically who I wanted to find but did not remember his last name. He was a skater who I thought was the coolest thing ever. We had some good times, especially because two of my friends dated his best friends. Those were the days!!! We were so young and happy! (not that I am not happy now, but it was different then).

After a few clicks here and there I was able to remember his last name and find this ex of mine. Not only did he have a facebook account but he also had a blog ... and of course I had to check it out. I wanted to find out a little more about his life now. In the blog, his wife stated "10 years... I can remember the first time that we each told each other that we loved the other after maybe a month of dating." I can remember around that time too. I can remember it because he broke up with me to date her, so I was still around. I had known her while we were dating too and we had done things with our group of friends. It is interesting how a large majority of guys I've dated have married the next girl they dated after me. But anyway, that is another story.  

Over all I was happy to see that he and most of the other guys that didn't really seem to have it together when we dated now seem to have accomplished a lot and have a nice life with a cute little family. I can only hope that maybe I made a little bit of a difference in their lives. It was good to see that I didn't date total weirdo's too, but honestly what they have accomplished I credit to their great wives who believed in them perhaps more than I could have believed in them.

Some People

I just had the most INSPIRING chat with one of my friends who got married not too long ago. To give you an idea of who he is (and it is important to know he is a guy even though I wish not to reveal his identity), let's just say he was in the SINGLE SCENE FOR MANY MANY YEARS. I called this friend and when I asked how he was doing, he went on to tell me all that has taken place over the last few months of his life. He told me that marriage was very different than what he had expected and he is still adjusting. But you also need to know that he, MORE THAN ANYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN perhaps, spent all the time possible speaking with married friends and asking them what it was like to be married and what change they had to adjust to.  Lesson one: you will never know what marriage is like until you get married because it will be YOuR MaRriAGe, not anyone else's.

My friend also told me that he never got the "YES" answer to his prayers and he was terrified to get married. His wife did get the Yes, but HE NEVER DID. He told me how scared he had been the months before he proposed, and the months before he got married, and probably sometimes now also. But he always prayed that if it was wrong, that he would be stopped. He went ahead with it, had faith, and made covenants for a Celestial Marriage.

Something he shared that really touched me is that one of his loved ones told him to go ahead with faith, that WITHIN A YEAR of the marriage he would get his answer, WITHIN TWO YEARS he would thank her for having encouraged him, and WITHIN FIVE YEARS he wouldn't even know how he could have ever doubted his choice. My friend also told me that a lot of his girl friends had gotten "answers," while their husband had not. Years after, both husband and wife were sure they had made the right decision.   Lesson two: If you love someone, and they are a good person, you just have to make a choice. You have to choose them and have faith that Heavenly Father will stop you just like he has in other decisions of your life if they were not good.  I mean, didn't you get the FEELING NOT TO GO TO A CERTAIN PARTY WHEN YOU WERE A TEENAGER? My point exactly.   Lesson three: for some reason, it has also been my experience that there are more girls who have gotten a Yes answer than there are guys. Either way, both have to show a lot of faith in their personal gOOd JudGMeNt.

What came to mind as we were speaking is that you are not a Celestial Marriage WHEN YOU KNEEL AT THE ALTAR and make covenants. YOU BECOME A CELESTIAL MARRIAGE THROUGH OUT YOUR LIFE. The same way we are not perfect, but we are working towards perfection and will continue to do so as long as we live this mortal life.

You know how people always say "I never got a big answer to my prayer, I mean I'm sure it happens for SoMe PEoPle, but it just didn't happen to me"?

Well peeps, I have yet to meet one of those "Some People."