My Failed Pet Adoption

I am making myself write about this for two reasons: because denial is my best friend and I tend to bottle up heart break, and because I hope that maybe someone can relate to what I experienced.

I have wanted a dog for a looong time. Over the last couple of years I have read about different breeds and their behaviors and I have spent time asking questions. This year I got my own place, and after being there for several months, all of they sudden I felt it was the right time to adopt a dogie.

Especially over the last few months I have really felt like I wanted a little animal to take care of and to keep me company. Most recently I started looking through Humane Society web pages...just to look.  Then, one day, I asked Mike (my fiance) if we could look at a specific shelter because they seemed to have a really good variety of animals listed and I liked that. We walked in knowing that we may very well walk out with a sweet pet to love. And if you have ever been to one of those shelters, you know that it is nearly impossible not to walk out of there with a new pet. And that is what happened to us. We walked around looking at all the little dogs, staring back at us begging to be taken home, but I tried to keep my composure and read through all their descriptions to see which one may fit us best. I knew I wanted a medium to small dog that was house trained and would be OK at my town home because I don't have a backyard. We walked around and wrote down a couple of names of the dogs that met that criteria. And then there was Connor (not his real name), a Beagle that seemed so sweet and cute. I had read a lot about Beagles because that was my "dream dog breed" from the very beginning. But because of what I had read, I was aware that Beagles needs a lot of exercise because they are hound dogs and they like to be outside.  So we skipped him over. As we were walking around again, we decided to write down his name just to find out about him. When we showed the lady at the desk the list, she got very excited about Connor and said that he was a very sweet dog and she had hoped she could take him home, but he had come into the shelter right after she had adopted another dog. I told her that I liked him but was concerned about his well-being because I lived in a town home. She and the dog caregiver told me that Connor would actually be OK in a town home because he had lived inside his whole life (he was an adult in dog years) and that he would probably be OK if I just walked him at least an hour a day. I told her I was willing to do that. We discussed some other concerns and it seemed like everything was OK and he was a good fit for us. We met him and fell in love with him instantly. So we signed the papers, paid the fees, learned more about him and took him home.

(photo taken by fastcrash)

This is where it gets hard. It gets hard because from then on, he was really a wonderful dog. He was house trained and listened and obeyed to a lot of simple commands. He didn't jump on furniture or chew on things, didn't bark inside, and he provided a lot of love and companionship to me. Connor did struggle with a lot of separation anxiety and did have a few accidents here and there when he couldn't see me (he had to see me at all times to be calm). But I had expected something like that and I dealt with thinking that it would get better with time; he had just gone through a traumatizing experience of loosing his family and had had a lot of change.  He howled and cried a lot the second night I had him, so the next night I got him a Thundershirt.  He seemed to love it and it really worked! He looked a lot more relaxed and only whimpered a little bit before he feel asleep. I highly recommend it.With that said, I knew and really hoped that his anxiety was temporary and it would get better with time. And I felt over all I could deal with that.

I was concerned about him not being able to relieve himself when I was at work, and since his anxiety was really bad, I was told and read that it would be best for him to be left in a crate because it is a comforting small space.  I was very lucky to have family and friends who offered to take him out of the crate to keep him company and give him a potty break when I was at work. And that is what they did. The days I was working, my family or Mike came to take him out, walk him a little bit and just keep him company. They usually stayed for a couple of hours.

So those breakes, plus the long walks before and after work (at least an hour in the morning and 30 to 45 min at night) were supposed to provide him a lot of exercise. Plus when I was home he was always by my side.

I also took him to pet stores and we spent several hundred dollars buying him toys, comfort stuff, a great bed, food, and hygiene things. 

So all the little things he struggled with I felt we could work on.  I was asking for a lot of guidance from friends and professional trainers, and I was reading info about it like crazy.

Then the other day, I had walked him for over an hour in the morning and we had had a really nice time. Then he attacked a little child. I won't give any details about it but I just want to say that it was out of no where, even though I had tried to take precautions because I didn't know how he would react around kids. He went from 0 to 100 in about 2 seconds and almost really hurt this child. Luckily I had been holding on to him really tightly and as a result the child was unharmed, other than being extremely scared and possibly scratched. I was mortified and completely heart broken in an instant. I walked the little kid home and talked to her mom and apologized profusely. And then I went home and cried. It wasn't a "look nervous, bark and bite" situation. It was far worse than that, an attack. It was a very serious situation. I didn't know what to do. I live in an area where there are many children playing outside all the time, and I have nieces and nephews that are too important to me to allow to be near a dog that may or may not attack them. I became extremely worried. What could have happened to this sweet dog in his past life that would have affected him like this?

It was a hard day for me. I tried to figure out what to do for many hours. Finally when I felt more composed I called a professional dog trainer that we had had some interactions with and relayed what happened to see if we could make an appointment so she could start helping us right away. Instead, she shocked me by telling me that I should take Connor back to the shelter. She told me that because of his age, and not really knowing what his situation was before I adopted him, and because of the nature of the attack, he was dangerous and I could spend a year or more trying to train him but it was likely that it would not ever work. She also told me to give myself "a brake" and understand that it was not my fault but that he had come to me that way.

That was easier said than done. I completely blamed myself and felt like a huge failure. Why couldn't I help a good dog with ONE major problem? My heart started breaking to pieces and I cried so much my eyes were almost swollen shut the next day.

Mike helped me call several other trainers to get other opinions and unfortunately all of them said the same thing. I sought the counsel of several friends who are dog lovers and have had many pets for years, and almost everyone said the same thing. I asked family who have owned dogs for years and would never do anything to harm an animal, and they said the same thing. I even asked a friend who is a K-9 trainer, and he said the same thing. We asked one more trainer, and realized that there was nothing we could do. Failure...

The next day, I got up, let him potty, fed him, played with him, took him on a long walk, packed up all his toys, food, treats, bed, put him in my vehicle with his two favorite toys, and headed back to the pound. It was a horrible feeling. I cried most of the way there. It was an hour drive. I tried to keep it together not to give him anxiety and he did sleep most of the time. Once in a while when he would wake up, I would reach back, pet him and he would lick my hand and arm. Heart breaking...

We finally got to the shelter, he was just excited to get out of the car, which made me feel even worse. I walked him to the front desk, to the same lady that had helped me get him in the first place, told her what had happened and we cried together. And then he was taken back to the kennel. I tried to ignore his whimpering because there was nothing I could do to comfort him anymore. I donated all his things to them because I wanted him to have his toys, and because I couldn't bare taking any of his belongings back with me even if we get another pup, because it would remind me of Connor.  Hurt...

I finally told the lady that he was wonderful and would be great in a home where children are not around. He was always loving to all the "big people" he met. Then I cried some more and walked away. The best way I can describe the feeling of walking away is by comparing it to walking into an air plane saying goodbye to a friend you love, knowing you will never see them again. And you don't know what is going to happen to them. And then on top of that, add the fact that you were their protector, provider, and care giver...you were their human. Devastated...

 Getting home and not seeing him, and seeing the open spaces where his crate and toys used to sit was really hard. All I can do is hope and pray that someone will be able to provide the life that he needs. And pray I have done a lot.

I wanted to share this because I feel that even though a lot of people have been very understanding some other people have treated me like a bad person who got sick of their dog and decided to get rid of him. I wonder how many other ones of you have had to experience something as terrible as this, after looking for every option to avoid it, and then have received the same type of response.  It has been a very difficult experience but I hope that if any of us have ever felt resentment towards someone because of their choice to take a pet to the shelter, that we will be more kind and supportive; the owner may have loved that pet more than anyone could understand, they may have had many sleepless nights comforting and taking care of that animal, they may have given up a lot of things to take care of that animal, and they may have wanted more than anything to keep them...but that choice may have been the only one they had.

New Blog! (Kind Of)

It has been a loooong time since my last blog post. I have missed you little blog! But today I figured out a way to design new blog banners therefore here is a post just to celebrate that.
It makes me HAPPY.

I used PicMonkey which is an online photo editing program. It's free!!! FrEe!! frEE!! FRee!! Yes, it's free. I always like that word. You can do basic things with it, and if you want to do fancier stuff you have to pay. But I didn't. I found the instructions on how to make a blog banner here. I also found this wonderful Etsy shop where you can buy digital scrapbook papers and icons, etc which all match. I felt that $3 for 13 different papers and 10 different little icons I will be able to use many times was fair. Then I found out the lady who makes these is a single mom so now I feel even better about it. It took about one minute to download the package after I purchased it, which was great since I lack the virtue to patience.

 

Here is to new looks!!!

Now I think I am going to drink some hot chocolate to celebrate.

What If a Mass Casualty/Disaster Takes Place Near You or Near a Loved One

The terrible bombings at the Boston Marathon have made me wonder if some of the things I know from working as a social worker at an emergency room may help others who have not ever experienced or thought of what to do it in a similar situation. I decided to write some ideas that hopefully will help families if something of this nature happens in your area or near one of your loved ones. 


If something like this happens, nothing will matter more than finding your loved ones. This is the main topic I will address.

This information will be divided in two parts: 1. What you can do to help your family prepare for a situation where safety is compromised and 2. What to do if you or your loved-one has been involved such a situation.

1. How Can I Prepare-there isn't much we can do to prepare for something this unexpected but there ARE things that we can and should do that will help in any type of disaster.
   
   a. Have face shots of every single member of your family. A family picture, your children’s school photo, it does not matter. One of the biggest problems during a chaotic situation is that no one can find each other. Have a copy of each picture in a water proof Ziploc bag at your house, one in your glove compartment in your car, and save those pictures on your cell phone. This will make a huge difference to emergency personnel or people who may have seen your family member, especially if that person is not able to speak because of trauma or injury.
   
   

b. Add lists of medical problems and medications to both those baggies and your phone. It is especially helpful in your phone because if someone such as me (a social worker) uses a cell to contact you, then you can just texts those to me.
   
   c. Do not have an automatic lock on your cell phone. I know it is annoying when your silly little brother decides to pick up your phone and hacks your facebook account, but a locked phone means no way for anyone to contact you or your loved. Just don’t lock it and apologize to your friends for your little brother’s silly comments on facebook. I have met with patients who have been so confused after an accident that even though they wanted me to use their phone, they themselves did not remember their own passwords. 


   
   d. If you or your children have any type of important medical history that is needed for  appropriate medical care, save a little bit and buy them one of these. I do not get any financial gain by mentioning this company on my blog, there are many other companies with all kinds of products and prices to choose from, but this is just one of them. In my opinion, anybody who does a lot of activities alone  (running, biking, driving long distances)  or someone who can't carry their ID in their pocket needs one of those anyway. The hardest people to identify are always those who had no place to put their ID on them. But that is another topic.
   
   

e. Anybody who has a cell phone (even grandparents who only use it to call one person or young children who only use it to call their mom or dad) should have 2 to 3 people saved under the name “ICE.” Mine are under “ICE 1” “ICE 2” and “ICE 3”. ICE means In Case of Emergency, that is the first place someone like me will look to find emergency contacts. It has been my experience that some phones actually have that label already in them, but I have never found someone who actually used it and put the information in. Make sure that your emergency contacts include at least someone who does not live with you and also someone who lives out of State. Those numbers won’t help if you were all in the same home and you were all injured.
   
   

f. Every SINGLE TIME you go to the doctor and they ask you if you want to have an emergency contact listed, take the time and do it. You may not need it today because you went to the doctor for your hurt finger, but cannot predict when that will be needed.

 You may be able to tell hospital personnel your name, but you may not have the strength to remember you family's number.
   
   g. Teach your children how to stay calm if something like this happens. Teach them to follow authority’s instructions. Yes, “stranger danger” is important, but in case something like this happens and either you are injured or you are not around or even get separated, they need to know who to follow and get instructions from. Their teacher, find a police officer, a fireman, a member of the military, etc. But in all reality I think children should know what to do in any emergency. Because I grew up in a place with a lot of earthquakes and a lot of turmoil, and because my family and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (mormons) and they teach us to be prepared, we always had a plan for every situation. We practiced those plans during our family nights. Here are some links to the ways my church encourages us to prepare for many things: 

   
   Family Emergency Supplies
   Earthquake Preparation
   Making a Survival Kit
   Emergency Preparedness
   
   
   
   2. What Can I Do if It Happens-In the terrible event that someone you love is involved in such a disaster, here is some information.
   
   a. Do not call that person. This will tie up phone lines which are needed for emergency medical responders, police, etc. What you need to do is text. Don’t ask that person to tell you everything. Ask them to text you a one word answer, such as “Are you OK? Just say yes or no, if you are contact us when you can.” This will allow them to focus on being safe (we do not know if they are still in danger or need their cell phone to be quiet) and they can focus on either getting the help they need (answering questions from doctors) or helping other people if they can.


   
   b. Again, do not call that person. At the Boston Marathon all phone signals were taken down because the bombs may have been detonated by cell phone signal. If you keep trying to call that person and they can’t answer because of this but they are OK, you will cause yourself a lot of unneeded suffering.
   
   

c. Ask all of your friends and family to NOT try to contact that person. The last thing they need is 50 texts all at the same time and making it harder for them to answer you. 


   
   d. Use social media (such as Facebook) to contact that person and also to ask everyone to not contact them directly.


   
   e. If you are near the site and you plan on going to the hospital where they could be at, make sure you bring their identifying pictures (as previously discussed).
   
   

f. Designate one person to do all the updates for everyone else. You will speak with them and in turn they will speak with everyone else who needs updates.
   
   

g. If you go the hospital, immediately text and post on social media sites a message asking everyone else NOT TO COME to the hospital. Or immediately have your contact person do that for you. Have your friends and family gather at someone’s home so they can all get updates from the contact person you designate to communicate with you. One or two of you can be there. No one else should be there. The more people that come to the hospital, the more likely you won’t get the attention you need to find out about your loved one. It has been interesting to see how family members who are under such stress don't talk to each other. A brother will get an update about a sister, and they forget to tell their parents who were near them and didn't hear it. It causes a lot of conflict between family and they usually get mad a staff for not telling everyone. That is not our responsibility. Also the more likely it is that the masses will have emotional outbursts and no one will receive any updates because we (hospital staff) will be busy trying to manage that. Also, if too many people are disruptive to medical personnel who are helping your loved one and most likely saving lives, then security will kick everyone out and the hospital will go on lock down. Yes, they can do that.
   
   

If you don’t believe some of the things I have mentioned, read this.
   
   

h. Once you find your loved one, remember to remain calm. Whether they are perfectly fine or injured, they have just been through possibly the most traumatic experience of their lives. Do not force anybody to try to talk about it unless they want to. That means don’t ask a lot of questions but allow someone to talk to you and just listen. Traumatic experiences record differently in the brain; they are not like an emotional experience, they are more than that. Their brain literally has created a physical reaction to memories of sounds, smells, and sights. As a result, the more that someone talks about it, the more the brain re-traumatizes itself because those feelings are felt again, and in turn those memories return. It is like a never ending cycle. The more that is repeated, the more that the experience begins to be a little different than it was originally. It is not because the person is now lying, it is because the traumatic experience is re-recording itself over and over.
   
   

The best thing you can do is be available to that person when they are ready. While they are not ready, help them be aware of the “here and now.” For example, help them describe the temperature they feel, the sounds they hear, the brightness of the lights in the room, etc. This helps people come out of that state of trauma for a while and it helps with the healing process.

These are some thoughts that I felt might help someone. I hope none of us ever have to be part of such a terrible thing, but it is something everyone should be prepared for.