Christmases Past

For some reason, Christmas season reminds me of this person. We will call him Mr. W.  :)

Mr. W and I popping out of a present

Mr. W. was probably the happiest and one of the best guys I ever dated. He honestly loved everyone, just because they existed. He took the time to show people that he cared. He was also fun, thoughtful, smart, driven, service prone, a true leader (taught me more about leadership than anyone else), but also was honest and lived in the real world (that's the only way I can describe it).

The year we dated, I had decided I wanted to spend Christmas day alone, mostly because I enjoyed the peace and quiet to think about the Savior and because I hated being the extra person at the table when a family got together; so we celebrated on Christmas Eve.

That day, man did it snow! We got a ton of inches just in a few hours. The roads were terrible, but he came to see me, we exchanged presents ( I still have my Hello Kitty pajamas, amongst other things) and then we headed to his house.  It was scary! Not only were the roads not plowed, but they were icy.
When it was getting late, he drove me home in his mom's vehicle which had way better control on the slick roads. Of course we had to stop by a church parking lot and attempt a couple of doughnuts which didn't work that well because the vehicle was too smart.

Then we drove by a church, and noticed that it was packed. It was midnight mass! So we, in the split of a second, decided to go and check it out. It was a really cool experience. Entire families listened to the person who gave the sermon about the Savior. The church was packed.

For some reason, during Christmas I always think about Mr. W. Not because I wish we were still dating (I must say he is happily married to a wonderful girl), but because I feel that he kind of carried the Christmas spirit with him every day of the year. I hope all my future Christmases are that spontaneous and wonderful with people that I care about and people that care about me.

Everyday Gratitude

I am so grateful for so many things.

I am so grateful that I have a home to live in, let alone a bed (and a comfortable one) to sleep in. I am grateful I have blankets to put over my body in the cold of night. I am grateful that I have a place to be during the cold days. I am grateful that I get to choose what I eat each day. I am grateful that I don't have to fall asleep to the sound of gun fire outside my house. I am grateful that I don't have to wait for the bus in the middle of a snow storm. I am grateful that I can see the sunset each day.

Sunset in Hawaii

I am grateful that I can dance around because I can move. I am grateful that I can sing because I can hear and speak. I am grateful for all the unnecessarily things that I have, including this computer and access to the Internet. I am grateful that each day I am reminded of how blessed I am by simply seeing the world around me; I am grateful to have the responsibility to try to help those less fortunate than I.

I am just grateful.

The small things

Ageless Love?

I have to admit, lately I have spent way too much time reading The Pioneer Woman's blog about her life. I envy it...and now that I have admitted to that, I would like to officially repent for having such feelings.

One of the things I love most about this woman is her and her husband's story: how they met and fell in love. I think the reason I love it so much is because I remember the feelings that she describes while falling in love. She was around the same age I was when I truly fell in love. The sad thing is that comparing our stories has made me wonder, do people still fall in love the same way as they get older?  I look at what my dates and relationships have been like since the dreaded breakup with the one that I felt such feelings for and nothing has ever compared. Yet, here I am reading about someone who felt the same way I did. As a result, I have come to the conclusion that when I felt that way it wasn't all in my head.

Still, nothing even close to those feelings has ever come since. Finally, I convinced myself that I'll never feel that same way again and something lesser will have to do; but then I wonder, could it happen again? Or was it just the excitement that accompanies that stage of our lives?

It is very difficult to date guys when you can never forget the way you felt with (and about) that person you truly loved.

Hopefully, someday I'll be proven wrong.

To Feel The Christmas Spirit

I promise you that if you really want to start feeling the Christmas spirit, you have to see this. If you are a Christian, you have to see this. If you are an art lover, you have to see this. If you feel that there is something higher and bigger out there, you have to see this.  No, you don't have to be Mormon, you don't have to go with someone, you don't have to be or do anything, other than go and feel what it feels like to see this.

You may not know who Carl Bloch is, but as soon as you walk into this gallery, you will instantly recognize the incredible paintings of the Christ's life that have been used all over the world for literally over a hundred years.

My wonderful parents got us tickets (which are free, click here) so see this. I thought I knew what I was going to but I was wrong. It was so much more than I could have imagined. The original paintings in their true sizes left me speechless, literally. The portrayals of the Savior felt so real. The art gallery felt like a sacred place.

As I walked and looked at this breathtaking paintings, I thought to myself "I should read Carl Bloch's biography to learn more about his testimony of Christ." And then I realized that I was looking at his testimony and I knew exactly what it said.

I am so grateful that I was able to see this exposition. Trust me, you need to see it too.

“And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” (Luke 2:7.)

“Jesus … said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water … shall be in him a well … springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:13–14.)

Pre-Thanksgiving: Pet Peeves

This is a necessary pre-Thanksgiving post. I am very grateful for millions of things, so I would like to get these few things that I am not grateful for out of the way.

Pet Peeves:

I hate it when people clip their fingernails at church. Who are you and did you grow up in a cave? Seriously.

I hate it when people have a hard time making decisions. Just choose something and do it! I think people waste more time trying to decide what they want than enjoying their choice.

I really dislike all the fake "lets make you cry" stories that people read around the holidays. First of all, they are usually cheesy, second of all there are enough true stories which are inspiring that you don't have to make some up. And I don't really care that the little boy bought his moma some shoes.

Well, that's pretty much it! So you if you don't want to be on my bad side, don't do these things.

I feel so much better now!!!!!

To The Survivors

Most of the time I try to keep my blog posts light and happy...but in all reality, I think about social issues a lot. Unfortunately, most of those aren't usually what you would consider "light and happy" at all.

Since it is my blog, and I can write what ever I want to, that is exactly what I am going to do right now. And just a warning, this is not a topic for young children.

Over the last two Fridays I have been able to watch two very disturbing, but very important, episodes of Oprah regarding men who were sexually abused as children. The whole audience was made of 200 grown men of all ages (probably mid 20's to 80's) who were survivors.  1 in 6 boys is sexually abused in America.

The pain that these men showed during the show was incredible. As some of the men told of how their childhoods were destroyed by adults, other men in the room wept, because each of them had a different yet similar story.

During the shows they showed a few statistics: 81% of those men had at some point in their lives contemplated suicide. 81% of 200 men, that means 160 of those men who could have represented anybody you know. A staggering 33% percentage of those had attempted it. The pain that one must feel to think about ending their own lives cannot be described in words. I won't attempt to write like I  know what it may feel like, because I don't, but I know that it is great. Most of these men were married, had children, perhaps grandchildren, and had careers etc...in a few words they didn't stop living their lives. Yet, this pain has always been present and has affected everything they are.

In between their testimonials, they showed a clip of a perpetrator speaking about what he thought he had caused to his victim. This perpetrator said, "I killed who she could have been." That is exactly what abuse does, it destroys people. It limits people's ability to allow themselves to be.

I don't really know why I felt compelled to write about this, but I guess I just want to raise my voice for those who feel that they cannot.

Being abused, especially when you are a man, is something that cannot be spoken about. It is a taboo topic. It takes your manhood away (as described by the victims). There are so many myths about what kind of people victims were when they were being abused or the people they will become. The myths make it so that men are even more afraid than women to report it or tell anybody.

First of all, anybody that has been a victim should not be ashamed. No matter what the details, a victim is a victim (period). Second, victims don't become abusers themselves. In my work I have spoken with many men and women who were victims of abuse as children. Most of them have grown up to be good people who hate abuse so much they cannot even think about causing hurt to anyone else. A true statement that Oprah made is that it is very possible that our jails are full of men who were abused as children, not because they have learned to hurt others, but because when you carry such hurt and feelings of betrayal, if you do not allow yourself to face them and work through them, they will be manifested as anger and dangerous behaviors.

My thoughts about this are: any kind of abuse needs to stop. I get tired when at work I see women and children who are abused. I get tired of mother's choosing their partners who are abusing their children, over their children. I get tired of men being abused by men. People's lives are being destroyed this very moment.

I can't do much other than do my job and make sure that people around me are safe, but it has to be a collaborative effort. We hear of things like this taking place in other far away places such as African countries ravaged by civil wars. Yet this stuff is happening to the kids that your children go to school with, to kids next door, and to your own children, and you may not even know it.

It is time to stop ignoring the facts. It is time to pay more attention to a serious crime that happens even to the "best families," even in the homes of religious people, even to the straight A student who always has a smile on his face.

How grateful I am that those 200 men had the courage to SURVIVE.

And The Countdown Begins

Happy birthday to me...in 3 months!

I decided to give myself a few cool presents for my next birthday. Why? Because I'm turning 30. Yeah, I know I should not worry about it, I will live, it is just the beginning of my life, blah blah blah. No matter how you put it, it is a little depressing because your 20's are considered some of the best times of your life. When you were a kid, didn't you want to be in your 20's? I remember I always had crushes on college guys because I thought they were so cool.

Either way, because I was afraid that it is going to be more of an un-happy day than a happy day, I have started giving myself presents to prevent any depression that may accompany the event.

Present #1
A fabulous bed!!!!!! It is twice as big as my old one and 50 times more comfortable!! I hate to say it but if anyone ever wants to marry me they will have to take the both us or neither...

Present #2
I wanted to remember what I was like in my 20's, so I decided to have professional pics taken. It was a little scary; most of the time I am messing around and my pics show me camping, etc. But I found a fantastic photographer who made me feel at home and I literally had some of the best time of my life!

Here's a sample

If you would like to see a few more go to Stephanie's blog.

The problem now? Since I already gave myself 2 amazing gifts before the dreaded event, I now have to find something to do on the actual day of my birthday.

When I turned 28, I decided to celebrate by doing 28 acts of service. It was pretty fun! So now I need ideas of what to do, times 30. If anybody reads this, please leave any thoughts you may have (you know who you are!).

Here are a few of mine:
-Buy 30 items of clothing
-Taste 30 different flavors of ice cream
-Read 30 pages of a book I would never read other wise (not so sure about this one)
-Watch 30 episodes of my favorite shows (but that would take a lot of time)
-Do a different activity every 30 minutes
-Get a 30 minute massage
-Kiss 30 guys (hope my parents aren't reading this one). Just kidding mom and dad!!!!
-Write 30 attributes that I would like to have
-Disappear for 30 hours (likey likey)

OK, that's about all I can think of. Any suggestions?

Ha-llo-ween! So Scary...

 A few frightening feelings...

A man in my neighborhood carved these

Sadly, Halloween has come and gone and I was not able to celebrate it. I was scheduled to work the nights people were out partying. It was very unfortunate.

In all honesty, Halloween is not my favorite holiday.  I, unlike most people, do not enjoy being scared off my pants. When I was a little girl I was very scared of the dark. In retrospect, I was scared of many things!!! It took years to not be scared all the time. So why go back?

Although I have successfully overcome most of my fears, I still cannot watch frightening movies (at all). The most frightening movie I have attempted to watch is "What Lies Beneath."  Over the years I have tried to watch it about 5 times, each time ending in feelings of defeat as I have turned the TV off when I could not take it anymore.

I guess for now the Disney channel will have to do.