So here it is. Just like a wrote it 2 years ago. What do you think?
I was speaking with one of my friends who is from South America. Our conversation went something like this:
"So, are you married yet?" I replied "No, I haven't found the right person yet," fully knowing that I have found several "right persons" but they just haven't chosen me. She said "I'm engaged," to which I said, like I always do "Congratulations! I am so excited for you." She then said without even realizing the sting of her question, "I just don't understand how you haven't been able to find someone, I mean, it is so much harder for me, at least you are surrounded by LDS guys who are available." Feeling a little defeated and not knowing what to say all I replied was "It's not as easy as it seems."I'm sure many of us have had similar experiences where someone who lives outside of Utah just cannot believe how in this "easy to find an LDS guy world" we still haven't found one. I personally think that because we live in Utah, finding a guy to marry becomes more difficult. Here is the reason why: I think it is a lot harder for a guy to focus on choosing one person and sticking with them to build a relationship when around the corner there is another beautiful, nice, big haired LDS girl who is ready (and very willing) to present herself as a good option for marriage. As a matter of fact, a guy friend of mine confessed to me that he had a hard time dating anybody and this is how he explained his reasons why: "It's like when you go to a fancy restaurant. You take forever to choose what you want, and then they bring you your meal and it looks really great. But then you look at the table next to you and someone is eating something that looks even better and then you regret having made that decision."
Not that we should be considered food, but I totally get the point. Why settle when there's so much more to choose from? I think that is why it is so hard for a lot of guys to settle down. Am I right or am I wrong?
I like to write about things like this, but you are a much better writer than I, I don't per-se agree with the B.B.D. "bigger, better, deal" coming along and making me feel as tho I missed out, rather its can't we both just choose each other already and start building our lives together.
ReplyDeleteHey! I'm so glad I found your blog! Christina, I think about you all the time and I miss you so much. We were so close and things change so fast. Reading this blog reminds me of how amazing you are and how much I miss our friendship. I'm sorry to say, but I think your friend with the food analogies... has some major issues. I don't know, this coming from a girl that had a hard time feeling that the marriage decision was right for me at the time. I just read your post below named: "Some People" That one hit home for me. That is exactly what any relationship, whether feel good feelings come or nervous feelings come. You have to give it time and patience. I really relied on the "Heavenly Father would stop me" Theory. But more than that I knew I would grow closer to God for being with such a man. I don't know, you're a much better writer than me and this is not really what I wanted to say but it's what came out. I love you and think of you all the time.
ReplyDeleteP.S. We went to Lake Powell last week; I thought of you!
Good post Cristina. I agree with you totally. People outside of Utah think we're nuts for growing so old and not getting married when we're surrounded by lds folk. I feel the same analogy applies to women as much as men. I feel like a lot of girls I have gone out with are waiting for a buffer, cuter guy to come along and sweep them off their feet. I have felt a strong connection many times, and felt the girl i was dating felt it too, but for some reason, thought she'd focus on little, meaningless flaws, rather than positive things I did.
ReplyDeleteI have been guilty of the "BBD" when I get swamped with eligible girls to date, and end up empty handed. I Wish a good connection could be more common with the girls i go out with, that way the single game could be over with.
I dated a lds girl when I lived in Spain, and I found it so much easier to date and focus on her. Especially when there are very few lds girls there. It was great, but when she came to see me in Utah, I really felt like being here around cute single lds girls who speak English made things fall apart with that relationship. I found it hard to focus on my Spanish girl, so I really do think it would be easier to date somewhere where there are less lds singles.
Wow! Your friend used the same analogy that I have always used. That friend didn't happen to be me did it?
ReplyDeleteHaha.
Anyway. I totally agree that this works the same for girls as well as guys.
I visited a singles branch in Dallas and there were at least twice as many couples there in a branch of 75 than back home in my ward of 250+ singles.
We all need to be carefull of not falling prey to the BBD disease.